Transcendental alternative – Shelter of Holy Names
After being instructed by Caitanya Mahaprabhu at Dasaswamedha Ghat in Prayag; Sanatana Gosvami took up residence in Vrndavan.And He also indicated from time to time you can come to see Me in Puri. Lord Caitanya went to Puri; Sanatana Gosvami went to Vrndavan and made that his residence. And after sometime, Sanatana Gosvami made a pilgrimage specifically following as best as he could the exact path of Lord Caitanya traveled passing through Jhanrikhand forest and then down. In Jharikhand forest, it is not so densely inhabited;it’s forest! And here and there within the forest there were residents, they are forest dwellers; Nishadhas is sometimes used like aborigines.
He would stop at those places. Hear from them what did Caitanya Mahaprabhu do? what did He say? Just absorbed in hearing about his beloved master Caitanya Mahaprabhu! And as circumstance arranged by Caitanya Mahaprabu’s internal potency; it is disclosed later by Haridas, Sanatana Gosvami contracted an illness. It’s very specific kind of illness. An illness that he drank some water that he shouldn’t have and his body became infected with sores on his body on the skin. Prabhupada describes; there are wet itches and dry itches and this was the wet kind. Weeping sores! So this pus or some liquid that was yucky and smelly was coming from his body. And he was thinking Oh! this is terrible because he knew that Lord Caitanya will want to embrace me. I got this yucky stuff all over my body. So then he began to contemplate, didn’t tell anybody. He just contemplated I should give up this body. It’s just going to offend Lord Caitanya! And so he made a plan; that he didn’t disclose to anybody but Lord Caitanya being omniscient knew his plan was he would go to Puri, he would see Lord Caitanya. At the time of Rathayatra he would throw his body before the wheel of Jagannath Rathaytra cart and give up his body and that was his plan;unspoken plan that he didn’t disclose to anybody. And Sanatana Gosvami was staying at the same place as Haridas Thakur and each morning Lord Caitanya would come to see Haridas and of course Sanatana also. And then one particular morning, unprovoked by any conversation or anything, Lord Caitanya slammed him; He chastised him very strongly. Reading from text 55…
“My dear Sanatana,” He said, “if I could attain Krsna by committing suicide, I would certainly give up millions of bodies without a moment’s hesitation.You should know that one cannot attain Krsna simply by giving up the body. Krsna is attainable by devotional service. There is no other means for attaining Him.Acts such as suicide are influenced by the mode of ignorance, and in ignorance and passion one cannot understand who Krsna is.Unless one discharges devotional service, one cannot awaken one’s dormant love for Krsna, and there is no means for attaining Him other than awakening that dormant love.
Measures like suicide are causes for sin. A devotee never achieves shelter at Krsna’s lotus feet by such actions.Because of feelings of separation from Krsna, an exalted devotee sometimes wants to give up his life. By such ecstatic love, however, one attains the audience of Krsna, and at that time he cannot give up his body.One who is deeply in love with Krsna cannot tolerate separation from the Lord. Therefore such a devotee always desires his own death.”